wish i could call you pa

opened my secret diary

said ;i wish i could cal you pa'

tears trickled down my eyes

tried to hide

but you know how mom's are 

what happened?

nothing i said

what happened?

nothing i reiterated

wrapped me around her arms

what happened ?

i wish i could call daddy pa

she kissed my forehead 

and hugged me. i cried ,cried 

and cried in her arms

for all these years 

i was quiet 

dint tell anybody why

it was this day i see 

my diary's old withered piece

i recalled 

all the past burns my dad had caused

when i was a kid

jealous of friends and envied

when i saw sanya's dad hug her

jyoti's dad bug her 

or sumi's dad love her

seeing their lovely friendly chat 

i would sneak in my hole like rat

hide myself and cry

coz my daddy was at work

dint know why

when my dad came back 

no hug no kiss no pat on back 

in a hope that one day he would

i dint complain even if i could

19 years have passed

not spoken for even for 19 hours

no birthday gifts no birthday blessings

no not how it feels

when dad hugs 

but he has taught me something

i have learnt to ignore

when he throws money on the table 

the car keys at my face 

or look that says i am not his daughter 

i don't retaliate fight or complain

only because my mom would pain 

she would cry , envy and complain

i gulp my tears and forgive my dad

only coz i cant see her sad

even today he doesn't know my course

my friends or boyfriends

but still i hope, i crave i wish  

one day if i could call him pa

wish i could call you pa

opened my secret diarysaid ;i wish i could cal you pa'tears trickled down my eyestried to hidebut you know how mom's are what happened?nothing i saidwhat happened?nothing i reiteratedwrapped me around her armswhat happened ?i wish i could call daddy pashe kissed my forehead and hugged me. i cried ,cried and cried in her arms

for all these years i was quiet dint tell anybody whyit was this day i see my diary's old withered piecei recalled all the past burns my dad had caused

when i was a kidjealous of friends and enviedwhen i saw sanya's dad hug herjyoti's dad bug her or sumi's dad love herseeing their lovely friendly chat i would sneak in my hole like rathide myself and crycoz my daddy was at workdint know whywhen my dad was back no hug no kiss no pat on back in a hope that one day he wouldi dint complain even if i could

19 years have passednever spoke ,not even for 19 hoursno birthday gifts no birthday blessingsno not how it feelswhen dad hugs but has taught me something.i have learnt to ignorewhen he throws money on the table the car keys at my face or look that says i am not his daughter i don't retaliate fight or complainonly because my mom would pain she would cry , envy and complaini gulp my tears and forgive my dadonly coz i cant see her sadeven today he doesn't know my coursemy friends or boyfriendsbut still i hope, i crave i wish  one day if i could call him pa

Why Grew Up?

Born december 8 1991
then infant
why grew up
to become child
less mild more wild

Why grew up
to become teenager
less mature , amateur

Why grew up
to become adult
less glad more sad
with less cheer more fear
less belief no relief

Why grew up
when every damn thing reducing
no better way producing
hey ! you wherever you are
whose hands pencils we are
write such fate
that ushers new gate

But what self pitty!
isn't it?
enemies laughinf at me
at my weaknesses
my lost glory
my lost fury

Indeed
such cyncical i had just become
hopeless.....
so worthless...

Well i grew up
to burn
to glow
to learn
to teach
certainly no cynical that i had just become....

P.S : I wrote this Poem, when i could not make it to college of my own choice,had worked really hard for it ... was devastated!